Self-Limiting Beliefs and Change: what’s holding you back?

Understanding the Power of Self-Limiting Beliefs

I sometimes talk to people about the Frustration Wall. I first discovered it while learning the guitar as an adult. I was in a small group class, and during one lesson, the teacher asked us to play something exceptionally difficult. The other student succeeded, but I failed. My fingers and brain were operating completely separately and were simply unable to play the piece.

But, the teacher insisted, you can do it. Go ahead and try.

I was embarrassed, angry, felt like throwing a tantrum (I may have actually thrown a tantrum), and just couldn't do it. But—the next day I tried it again, and I succeeded.

Since that time, I've believed in the Frustration Wall. The day I reach my peak of frustration with a new experience now signals that the next day will bring the breakthrough. And it truly works.

We all harbour beliefs about ourselves, our lives, and the world. Some of these beliefs propel us forward, while others act as invisible shackles, hindering our progress and causing us to throw tantrums! These restrictive thoughts are known as self-limiting beliefs. They operate unconsciously, shaping our thoughts, words, and actions

What Are Self-Limiting Beliefs?

Self-limiting beliefs are the stories we tell ourselves—often without questioning—that hold us back from realising our full potential. They emerge from our perceptions and thoughts about who we are, what we can achieve, and what the world expects of us. These beliefs may be silent, they may be louder like whispers or they may speak to us via internal dialogue. However you experience them, they influence our decisions and actions.

Consider this scenario: You aspire to a promotion at work, a role that brings your desired salary and aligns with your experience and training. However, you see yourself as an introvert who doesn't like networking or speaking in front of large groups. You might think, 'Well, I'm introverted; that’s just my personality. Networking and public speaking aren’t my strengths.'

But let’s take a closer look.

Identifying a Self-Limiting Belief

1. Identifying the Belief: Acknowledge that you hold a belief that limits something you could be or could do. In this case, it’s the belief that because you’re introverted, you won't enjoy a job with networking or public speaking.
   

2. Challenge the Belief: Dig deeper and ask yourself, "What if?" Perhaps you’ve successfully networked before, and public speaking wasn’t disastrous. These experiences contradict your belief. Once you're on a roll challenging the belief, it becomes easier to find more evidence as to why the belief might not apply.
   

3. Reframing the Belief: Recognise that beliefs aren’t facts! Just because you think or feel something doesn’t make it true. Reframe your self-limiting belief: “I’ve networked and spoken publicly before, and I can do it again.” Think through what parts of the experience were satisfying or enjoyable and take these parts as tools to help you with the next time.
   

Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs

Not all self-limiting beliefs are necessarily psychologically curly questions. I used to attend a regular exercise group that was held in a public park popular with dog walkers. One day I saw the most beautiful pair of fine-boned, long-haired, well-groomed Blenheim Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. I had two immediate thoughts: firstly, how beautiful they were; secondly, I couldn't have a dog.

And then I stopped in my tracks. Why couldn't I have a dog, exactly? Just because we live in a strata scheme and I'd never had a dog before as an adult. That was it. Once I challenged the belief, other thoughts immediately occurred: how much my children would love having a dog, how sweet a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel would be; and then I remembered Lady and the Tramp, the book I loved as a child, featuring a Ruby-coloured Cavalier. It became easier to reinforce the positive belief of "I could have a dog if I wanted one" after I challenged the self-limiting belief "I could never have a dog", a belief that had been there for no reason, and I had believed it for years. I started talking to friends who owned dogs, looked into the responsibilities and the costs; and starting looking at possible breeders.

Our beautiful girl, Honey, a Blenheim-coloured Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, lived with us for nearly 10 years. She grew up with my children as their second Mum. She was a much-loved member of the family, a treasured childhood memory and a companion through thick and thin. Having Honey in our lives was a true gift.

1. Awareness: Start by identifying your self-limiting beliefs. Reflect on situations where you hesitate due to perceived limitations.
   

2. Question Assumptions: Challenge your assumptions. Are they based on evidence or mere perceptions? Separate facts from fiction. Your belief may have been serving a purpose up until now, but equally it may not - it might just be there doing nothing but holding you back.
   

3. Replace with Empowering Beliefs: Replace self-limiting beliefs with empowering ones. Instead of “I can’t,” say, “I can learn and adapt, I'll do some research."
   

4. Take Action: Act despite your beliefs. Gradually, your actions will reshape your mindset. Finding counter-examples, talking to others, or getting feedback from someone with the opposite belief can help strengthen your resolve to take action.
   

Self-limiting beliefs are not fixed truths; they’re malleable. By dismantling these mental barriers, you unlock your potential for growth and success. Embrace change, challenge your assumptions, and rewrite your narrative. The path to transformation begins with recognising and conquering what’s holding you back. And it can be truly startling when you uncover a self-limiting belief only to realise there's actually nothing holding you back. Go for it!

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